How Are You Handling Conflict?

Conflict is a natural part of the working with other people.  Put a bunch of people with different thoughts, ideas, viewpoints, educations, and experiences together and sooner or later, you can count on some conflict.  Conflict is not the problem. 


 Actually, conflict is a good thing.  Without it, you would have an entire organization of something that closely resembles "The Stepford Wives."


And although having a group of "Stepford Wives" may sound like a wonderful idea at the moment, having an entire group of people that think exactly alike is not likely to keep your company competitive, creative, or energized.  

"Where all think alike, no one thinks very much."

-Walter Lippmann

Let's take a look at how you and/or your employees are dealing with conflict.  As a leader, a huge part of your job is to navigate the political waters at work in a professional and tactful way.  You need to contribute your ideas and viewpoints but not shut others down in the process.   You want to make sure when you have conflict, it doesn't look like this: 

On the other hand, dealing with conflict by going into your office and singing "laaalalalalaalal, I can't hear you" probably isn't the best option either.  

The goal is to find a good balance between the two.  A skilled person in this area will step up to conflict when necessary.  They will read the situation, body language, mood of the room, quickly and be able to adapt accordingly.  A person good at dealing with conflict is also a good listener.  It's not all about you after all.  And maybe most importantly, the person that is good at dealing with conflict is good at finding a common place to start negotiating.  They are good at saying things like "We are in agreement on this point." They don't put the other person on the defensive and instead, validate what they have heard and the reasoning behind it.  

If you aren't sure how well you deal with conflict at work, ask others that you trust.  If you know you don't deal with conflict well, try to define which part you struggle with.  Are you too emotional and get so angry you can't talk?  Does the idea of raising an opposing view make you queasy?  Obviously, this is a very difficult competency to master.  It is important for you to note that your ability or lack of will affect your promotability and ability to lead others.  Take a class, hire a coach, read a book, or watch those that appear to be very good at this.  It will be well worth your time to master this skill and will likely impact every part of your life.  

Mari

Are You Connecting With Your Team?

It seems leaders are often so busy attending meetings and doing work that they forget the core purpose of their position - to lead.

They forget their primary purpose is to lead, guide, and direct.

They forget their people are hungry for their feedback and attention.

They forget to pay attention to the confused look on Sally's face or the look of concern Bob has had for the past week.

They forget to notice that people don't seem as happy.

They forget about the people until they realize the numbers aren't what they used to be.

In essence, they are so busy managing the activities that they forget to connect with their people.

We are "human beings" and a work place is a place to work however; these people give up a huge chunk of their lives (time) to contribute.  Don't they deserve the basic decency of connection from their leader?

I understand the frenetic pace many of you keep.  I also understand that first and foremost, your primary responsibility is to lead others.  In order to do that, you must make time to connect with your people.  Have them walk with you and talk on your way to a meeting if necessary.  They deserve that time from you.  They deserve your attention.  And the bonus is you will feel good and learn more about what is going on within your team.

The Most Damaging Employee Of All

Being an HR professional and also formerly a leader in the operations environment of a large manufacturing facility, I have certainly seen my share of employee performance issues - the slacker, whiner, bully, suck up, etc. etc.  I like to think I've pretty much seen it all but I'm hesitant to say that as I am periodically very surprised by a new issue.  Some issues are easier to deal with than others.  For probably 90% of employee issues, a frank conversation and clear expectations will change performance.  But, oh boy, that other 10% can be quite a challenge.

Of course there is no one size fits all approach.  People are people.  And for those of you that tend to like things black or white, you are not going to be happy about this - people are very gray.  Every person comes with their own set of unique perceptions, ideas, reactions, and results.  The good news is there are some simple guidelines for the most part.

Routine Performance Issues
For example, the slacker just requires a little micro-management and clear goals so you can manage the performance (either towards improvement or out of the position).  This micro-managing is not intended to be a permanent fix, it's a short term solution toward improvement.  The "Whiner" likely wants attention and this is the only way they know how to get it.  Once you dig past the surface performance and get to the root cause of the problem it is much easier to solve.  I've been known to sit a problem employee down and say "Here are the expectations.  What do you need from us in order to perform to expectations?"  Putting the ball in their court seems to lead to resolution much faster than trying to guess what we need to do.

The Most Damaging Employee
There is one type of employee however, that I firmly believe is the most damaging to any business.  They are a cancer cell in the business world and if I stick to that analogy, only quick detection and massive amounts of chemotherapy can cure the damage they cause.  And they are the most difficult to detect because they are masters of deception.  I would much rather deal with a slacker, people in conflict, lack of teamwork, or a difficult supervisor than deal with this person.  By now, your interest should be sufficiently peaked.  Who am I referring to?  The Gossip.

I'm not talking about the morning break room chit chat regarding who is having an affair or who is spending too much time on Facebook.  It's not unusual for all employees to spend a certain amount of time gossiping and it's impossible to think you are going to eliminate that - actually, a certain amount of gossip may be good.  I'm talking about the person that derails careers, destroys morale, and purposefully takes information they have and twists it to hurt others and cause drama.  These are the back stabbers that will throw you under the bus the first chance the get but act like your best friend the rest of the time.  Why are they the worst you might ask?  Because they are often difficult to detect, they disrupt morale, and when you confront them, they will act like they have no idea what you are talking about.  Just in case you didn't realize this, when your team is focused on drama, they aren't focused on work.

You may wonder how to handle this employee because if your organization is very big at all, I guarantee you have one or two.  The first step is to detect and derail them.  If this person is brave enough to bring the gossip to you, consider yourself lucky.  You don't want to stop anyone from bringing information to you but you want to make sure they know you are going to dig to get all the facts before jumping on their drama bandwagon.  So, let me handle this a couple of ways.

Scenario:  Your Gossip brings juicy info to you.
1.  Thank them for bringing you the info (after all it's better they brought it to you than to everyone else).
2.  Ask lots of questions (and I do mean lots).
     How did you come to find this out?
     Did you personally see them do this?
     Did they tell you that or did you infer that?
     What exactly did they say?
     What exactly did you see?
     How do you know?
     Who have you shared this with?
     Did you see the email?

Once you start asking questions and they can't answer one, they will begin to realize they can't make things up.  This approach alone will stifle a bit of the gossip.
3.  Caution them that things aren't always what they seem and educate them on the damaging effects of gossip.
4.  If necessary, ensure them you will handle the situation but you will not be reporting back to them unless it has to do with them personally.  Tell them you expect them to keep what they know private as you seek more information.
5.  If you hear they have shared the information with others after your talk, address the gossip as a performance issue just as you would absenteeism.  It disrupts the work environment and should be handled as such.

Scenario:  Your Gossip is Sharing Information With Others.
1.  Invite them into a private area for a chat.
2.  Let them know you are aware of something they have shared (do not divulge your source if at all possible as it will only generate conflict).  Explain what it is you heard, and allow them to respond.
3.  Thank them for being honest with you.  If they deny saying anything ask your question a couple of different ways.  If they continue to deny it skip to the final step in this process.
4.  Ask lots of questions (see above for examples)
5.   Caution them that things aren't always what they seem and educate them on the damaging effects of gossip.
6.  If necessary, ensure them you will handle the situation but you will not be reporting back to them unless it has to do with them personally.  Tell them you expect them to keep what they know private as you seek more information.
7.  Explain that in the future you would like them to come to you with this information and not generate gossip within the department.  Explain that gossip will destroy a team and you need their help and making sure that doesn't happen.
8.  Explain that gossiping is a performance issue as it disrupts the work environment and will be handled as such.

On a more positive note, the "Gossip" can be a great resource for you when implementing change.  Think about it, you have someone on your team that likes to talk . . . .make sure they are armed with the information you want others to have.  They can be your greatest resource if you know how to utilize them.  This post is getting way too long so I'll cover than topic in a future post.

What are your thoughts regarding the impact of the Gossip?  What success have you had in dealing with this person?  I want to hear your thoughts!

Mari

How Can I Help You? Treating Your Employees Like Customers

Back when I was a brand new leader I was fortunate enough to work for a company that believed strongly in leadership development.  I had the opportunity to attend many great training sessions and being an avid learner, was in the bookstore purchasing every new leadership book as soon as it was on the shelf.  There was one thing that stuck with me even to this day and I tend to notice it immediately in other leaders.  


Your Primary Objective as a Leader
Let me make sure we are on the same page to start this blog post.  If you are in a leadership position for an organization, your primary responsible is to Lead others.  Not to attend meetings.  Not to shuffle paper and respond to the 100 emails in the inbox.  Those things are important too, don't get me wrong.  And believe me when I say I've been in middle management and understand the competing demands.  That doesn't change the fact however, that your primary responsibility is to lead, guide, and direct others.  


If your employees are hesitant to come to you with issues, thoughts, ideas, or concerns because you always seem like you are running around with your hair on fire and don't have time for them, then you aren't doing your job.  Because, first and foremost, your job is to lead others.  That doesn't mean you have to drop everything each time Jack shows up at your door to tattle on Joe.  But it does mean the employees are your top priority and they should know without a doubt that this is the case.  


Implementing an Attitude of Outstanding Service

A long long time ago (okay, maybe not that long ago), I was creating a new department within an organization. I knew that providing excellent internal customer service was the only way our department would be accepted in this organization.  The mantra of our team was "How can I help you?" whenever we spoke to a customer on the phone or in person.  This was unusual for this manufacturing facility and it set us apart.  I watched our customers gain trust and respect for us by starting our conversations with this question.  


But I was soooooo busy, running like a crazy person from meeting to meeting, responding to voice mails as I ran to the next meeting.  And I was a major task master so there was nothing more gratifying to me than to mark another item off my to do list.  


The Tipping Point
Thank goodness something clicked one day as one of my employees apologized for bothering me.  I realized this team was the reason for our success and didn't they deserve at least the same respect and attentiveness from me as I demanded we provide our customers?  This is when I started making a conscious effort to put down my pen, phone, paper, and thoughts whenever one of them popped their head in the door.  Instead of my previous constant panic state I greeted them with a smile and a "How can I help you?"  In hindsight, that time was a blip in my day and I looked forward to seeing all of them and helping in any way I could.  What if we all treated our employees at least as well as we treat our customers (whether internal or external)?  It's worth a try anyway.  

The 3 Reasons People Don't Do What You Want Them To Do

Some find it hard to believe but it's true.

There are really only three potential 
reasons people don't do what you want them to do. 

Getting to the root cause of a performance issue is really not all that difficult when you think about it from this perspective.  The real trick is determining which of the three reasons it is and then implementing an appropriate solution.  But really, three potential reasons, that's it - this is doable right?


Let's take a look at the three reasons and then I'll go into a bit more detail on each of them.

1.  They don't know how.

2.  They aren't capable.

3.  They don't want to.

Our natural tendency is to assume number 3 is the reason our employees are not doing what we need them to but stick with me here and read the explanation for numbers one and two.  Quite honestly, the first one is often the culprit.


1.  They Don't Know How
This could mean nobody has taken the time to show them so they truly don't know how to perform the task correctly or it could mean they don't know how YOU want it done (i.e. you haven't clearly communicated your expectations).  Before you can jump to the conclusion that someone just doesn't want to do what you have requested, you must first rule out this possibility.

If they simply don't know the proper procedure or process or need to learn a skill or software program, that's an easy fix - send them to a class or assign a more experienced person to show them.


Let me be clear - this possibility could be the reason why you have quality issues and it could also be the reason you have employees spending too much time on the internet at work.  


Without getting too psychological on you, all people come to the work environment with their own ideas, experiences, perceptions, and expectations.  For example, you'll likely notice generation Y much more interested in social media than your baby boomers.  And generation Y will likely not see any problem with texting and checking their facebook status throughout the day.  They've done that their entire life so that's what they know.

Unfortunately, many leaders believe others come into the workplace with the same expectations, ideas, and work ethic that they have.  This, my friend, is a big mistake.

Most people cannot read your mind (I'm sure there are a few telepathic people out there although I've yet to run into them in the workplace, which is probably a good thing).


If your employees are not doing what you want, your first step should be to clearly articulate your expectations.  


I can't tell you the number of leaders that have said to me "Shouldn't they just know that?  Do I have to tell them everything?"


Of course, you don't have to tell them EVERYTHING but you do have to clearly articulate your expectations.  If they come in five minutes late every day and have been doing it for two years without anyone saying anything to them, they likely believe it's not an issue.  If it's an issue, you need to tell them.  Again, they can't read your mind.


So, before moving on to the second potential reason, you'll first need to rule this reason out.  Depending on the performance issue, you can rule this out by observation (skill deficiency) and by conversation (i.e. clearly articulating your expectations).  The topic of "clearly articulating your expectations" deserves it's own post but a cliff notes version would include the need to be very precise and specific directly with the person who has the issue.  Having a staff meeting and announcing to everyone in the room that they need to come to work on time is not precise and specific directly with the person.  Quite honestly, the person you want to hear that message is probably not listening at that point or thinks it doesn't apply.  This means bringing Jane or Joe into your office and saying "Hey, I notice you come in 5-10 minutes late at least four times a week.  I need you to be here at (insert time) from now on.  Is there anything preventing you from doing that?"  I guarantee your problem will either be solved or you'll have grounds to start the formal discipline process.


2.  They Aren't Capable


Again, too often leaders jump to this conclusion when more often than not, this is NOT the reason people aren't doing what you need them to do.  It's actually pretty rare to find this to be the cause although it does happen.  I hate to paint a very visual image but it's the best way I know how to rule this one out.  Another way to say it is "If you put a gun to their head and asked them to do it, could they?"


I'll use a personal example here.  There are lots of things I know how to do but just don't for whatever reason.  Eat right, Exercise consistently, get enough sleep . . . .  this are all things I know how to do.  It isn't that I'm not capable.  I could have a PhD in all of those topics if one were offered.  However, if you put a gun to my head today and said "Be a world class ballerina," I couldn't do it.  No matter how hard I tried, I'm not built (nor will I ever be) to be a ballerina.  Some other examples here might include mechanical aptitude, mathematical ability, or even painting or singing.  Some people may be able to learn some of these skills to a certain proficiency but not at the level that you would need in the workplace if they don't already have the aptitude.


If this truly is the reason they aren't performing, it would be best to move them to another role if you have that option.


3.  They Don't Want To
Ahhh, finally, we get to the one reason most people jump to right away.  Remember, before you get to this option you should have ruled out option one and option two.

This option would include outright defiance (even though it might be masked by a professional attitude and a smile) motivation (or lack thereof), frustration, passive-aggressive behavior, and just plain not liking their job.  There is so much information to cover here that I'm sorry you'll have to look for other posts on the topic.  If this is the reason the person is not performing and you want to modify the performance behavior, you'll need to dig beyond the obvious.  Let me explain.

Have you ever heard yourself saying "they just aren't very motivated."  My question is always "why?" People are unmotivated for lots of reasons and sometimes all you have to to do is change a process or your communication a bit to completely turn around behavior.  Here is an easy example.


Example
You have a salesman responsible for getting a report to you each Friday afternoon.  Let's say his name is Charles.  He is perpetually late with this task and it frustrates you because you need his report to complete your report to your boss.  It's a constant battle.  If you don't figure out the why behind this it will always be a constant battle.  Worse yet, it could end up that a very good salesman gets fed up and leaves because he is tired of your nagging about the stupid report.  If you ask "why?' you may find that this salesman is paid based on his sales.  You may also find that Friday is his busiest day of the week.  Charles happens to get a charge out of selling more and beating his own records.  If you know all this it should become crystal clear as to why he isn't getting the report done.  It's not that Charles is not motivated or defiant, or just trying to make your life more difficult.  On the contrary, Charles is highly motivated . . . . to sell and that is, after all why you have him in this role.  


Now that you understand what is going on, you have some options to work with - is there an administrative assistant that could help (i.e. process change)? Could you change the due date of the report to Monday which happens to be his slowest day?  Or can you you change your compensation structure in some way so Charles doesn't feel like he is missing the busiest day of the week?


As you can see by this example the why can make all the difference in performance.  This may apply to absenteeism, spending too much time on social media, and any other performance issue you may be having in your organization.  

Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean every employee can or should be "saved."  But it also doesn't mean you get away with throwing in the towel so easy.  There are times is it absolutely necessary to address performance.  And there are times when employees have quit and forgotten to tell you so you have to assist them to their next adventure.  Too often however, leaders are quick to judge and punish without even trying to find out how to motivate and inspire their employees to excellence.

I'd love to hear your comment on this topic.  What has been your experience in this area?

Middle Management - Not All it's Cracked Up To Be

It seems to me the group of leaders in the most need of development, mentoring, and coaching are those that are stuck right in the middle - mid-level managers.  Most organizations seem to know the front line supervisors need training so they place a lot of effort in making sure that group of people know what they are doing.  And Sr. Executives appear to have a plethora of opportunities to attend mini-MBA programs, executive leadership training sessions, and have an executive coach assigned.  But the mid-level managers seem to get lost in the shuffle and/or stuck in an era.


What I mean by stuck in an era is mid-level managers often get stuck in the era in which they first became supervisors.  So, if they started supervising in the 60's, 70's, or even 80's - they likely learned that the command and control type of leadership was the only way to get performance.  They are often still trying to use that style of leadership and unless they are in the military, that probably isn't working out so well with our current generation of employees.  This group of managers may take a class every now and then but they are reluctant to change their approach to leadership.


Mid-level managers also get lost in the shuffle.  They get ignored as far as development goes.  Sr. Level leaders believe these people have already been trained, have experience, and know what they are doing which is somewhat true.  First level supervisors are looking up to this group for mentoring and guidance and they aren't getting it themselves so they are passing on information they learned 20 years ago which may not be so relevant today.  The reality is this group is often ignored, not exposed to the latest leadership theories or benefit of coaching and mentoring.  And they often have the most difficult job - the delicate balance between managing the politics and job demands of the organization.


It would seem to me organizations would benefit by making this group of people the target of ensuring the leadership philosophies of the organization are embraced.  Think of the influence of this group of people - they are responsible for mentoring your next generation of leaders (first line supervisors).  Shouldn't this be the group of people the company invests most heavily in developing?


And if you are reading this and you are a mid-level manager, what are you doing to learn and grow more so you can be the best leader you can be?  Are you reading current literature regarding leadership?  Are you requesting training and or coaching?  Have you asked someone who exemplifies great leadership skills to mentor you?  This is your career after all, what are you doing to be the best you can be?

Do You Have the Courage To Lead?

Leadership is not for those that lack courage.  It is a tough job.  You will be put into situations on a daily basis that require you reach outside your comfort zone.  Maybe it's because I'm from Kansas or maybe it's just because I was raised with the excitement of the annual showing of "The Wizard of Oz" but I can't help but think of the cowardly lion in this case.  I have worked with leaders for a long time and although many would not think of themselves as the cowardly lion, let me provide a few examples of NOT demonstrating courage.

• Avoiding the conversation with your difficult employee because you are "afraid" of the outcome.
• Implementing a process you feel is not in the best interest of the team because your boss told you to.
• Not speaking up at a meeting when the group is trying to determine the best way to implement a new process because you think your idea will not be well-received.
• Having great ideas for improvement but not sharing them because you aren't sure your boss will go for them.
• Witnessing a peer doing something unethical and not doing anything about it. 
• Avoiding the conversation with a peer that you have not been getting along with and it is impacting your ability to work well together. 

A core competency of leadership is courage.  In order to be effective, you have to be willing to have the tough conversations.  There is a bit of an art to learning how to have some of those conversations but it can be learned and it's really more about "are you willing to have them?"  Effective leadership requires standing up for what you believe.  Sure, sometimes the organization will make strategic decisions you may not agree with but I'm not talking about that - I'm talking about all the things within your scope of control.  Having a conversation with a difficult employee is within your scope of control.  Speaking up at a meeting is within your scope of control.  And calling a peer out on unethical behavior is within your scope of control.  But those actions require courage and confidence.  

So, what if you don't have courage?  What do you do?  Remember the Lion.  No, you don't go to the almighty Wizard and ask for it.  He really didn't have any power anyway, remember?  Courage is directly tied to confidence.  And you can improve your confidence with a little positive self-talk and becoming more competent.  It's like any task - as you practice it and become more competent, you also gain confidence.  

I remember when I first starting public speaking and teaching.  You wouldn't know it now, but I remember being a bit terrified at the idea of being in front of a large group.  When I was in high school I remember having to provide a speech at a community event.  In preparation for this event, I practiced, practiced, practiced the speech until I could practically give it in my sleep.  Knowing the material increased my competence and confidence.  Was I still nervous?  Sure I was.  And 20 years later when having to give a speech to a group of executives do I still get nervous.  Sure I do.  But I've learned there is a direct correlation between my competence and my confidence.  With increased confidence, I have more courage. 

Having difficult conversations with others or speaking up in a meeting with your ideas and suggestions may still make you nervous and be uncomfortable but with time and practice you will gain confidence which will equate to courage.  It will become easier.   It requires you take the first step.