Why Some Employees Are Jacked Up

The title of this blog would surely get me fired if I were the HR person in a large corporation.  It's not politically correct.  And God help us all if we are actually honest in the work place.  But, lucky for me, I don't work in a large corporation so I can be totally honest with my blog readers. Let me say ahead of time, if this blogs offends you in any way, please just ignore it and try to find the nugget within it that can help you be a better leader.  

One thing I know for sure, there are a lot of corporate trainers out there, a lot of different cultures, a lot of training seminars, and a lot of personal viewpoints and biases.  Don't get me wrong there are many, many very professional, knowledgeable people out there who are passionate about helping you be the best you can be.  We are human beings though and can't help but have a few biases.  Unfortunately, some of you have learned a few things along the way that was presented as gospel and was really one person's viewpoint.  Much like this blog is my viewpoint.  I do try to weave in statistics and resources to validate my viewpoint but at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself and find what works for you.  Enough of the soap box.

So, here is my viewpoint as to why some employees are jacked up.  

Feedback.  Incorrect feedback.  Feedback given because of one person's viewpoint.  Feedback provided that caused confusion, fear, and was basically an attack on the individual's personality and character and had nothing to do with their work performance.  

• I know employees that have been told by their leaders that they laugh too much at work - they are too happy and not businesslike "enough."

• I know employees that have been told they are too attractive.  They weren't dressing inappropriately, weren't flirtatious - but the fact they are so attractive is career limiting.  

• I know employees that have been told they shouldn't be so polite at work.  Leave the manners at home.

The list goes on.  It's sad really.  


After 20 years of hearing feedback like this.  It's no wonder by the time you get them, they are no longer very receptive to feedback. 

The LESSON

Let's keep the feedback focused on work performance.  Let's make it valuable, important, and focused.  Let's make sure our feedback isn't based on our own biases.  And if it is, present it as such (example:  "This may not bother other people but it is a big pet peeve of mine.  Could you please not approach me until I've had my first cup of coffee, unless it's an emergency?").  Let's limit our feedback to those things are are important and will truly help the person be successful.  

Utilizing the Power of Positive Reinforcement

I don't care how confident or competent someone is, I've never heard someone say they don't want to hear what they are doing right (at least not say it and mean it).  We all need that reassurance now and then.  We need to know what we are doing is valued and that we, as human beings, as well as employees, are important.  

 I think we often take for granted that our employees know what we think of the work they are producing.  After all, didn't I tell you a month ago how much I appreciated your work on XYZ project?  Seriously, do I have to say something everyday? 


Well, maybe not every day but for most people positive reinforcement is music to their ears.  Nobody seems to hear enough about the good they are doing and feel like most of the energy is spent on the negative.  Just because you told someone they were doing a good job at their last performance review doesn't mean they are still doing a good job.  And in the volatile society in which we live, a little positive reinforcement and encouragement can go a long way.  


Positive reinforcement can be as simple as a "Great job on XYZ," "I really appreciate your effort and time on ABC," to "You know, when we talked during your last performance review I mentioned you needed to work on your presentation skills.  I can tell you took that feedback to heart - you've really improved."  


Be careful giving your problem employees positive reinforcement.  Sometimes if you are very specific with the feedback, they think they are doing well in everything and are now off the hook for whatever the issue was.  


Give me.  In general you can't go wrong when you provide positive reinforcement as long as you are specific and genuine.  

Ah, The Joy of Having Those Difficult Conversations!

Woohoo, I get to go have a tough conversation with "insert name."  Excited about telling John you need his performance to improve?  Can't wait to have the conversation with your boss regarding your need for more work/life balance?  Inspired to tell Suzie she needs to wear a little less perfume or the whole office might have to resort to gas masks at work?  


Somehow the idea of having those types of conversations don't make most people want to jump out of bed in the morning excited and inspired to get to work.  Yeah, not so much.  

 

Being ever the rebel in the workplace, I say we should be inspired by these conversations!  We should be excited at the opportunity to resolve conflict at work!  We should look forward to providing feedback that is going to improve our relationships and quality of work!  It doesn't have to be so scary people.  Here is the trick.  Listen closely.  Oh, I mean, read closely.  


The secret to success in this case is remembering three very important points:
1.  Have a heart for success - success for the person you are talking to and your own success.


2.  It's Feedback and all feedback is good feedback.  Too many people think of these conversations as providing "constructive criticism."  Uggghhhh.  Enough with the oxymorons.  It's feedback, intended to help the person be successful.  You are providing valuable feedback that is intended to help this person and/or your relationship with this person.  Deliver it with that spirit and you can't go wrong.


3.  You can't control their reaction.  You can only control your heart in delivering the message and your actual choice of words, timing, tone, etc.  You can't control how they respond to the message.  Do everything you can to be respectful and kind, yet firm and leave the rest to them.  


Let's look at the alternative to having these conversations.  If you don't have the "conversation," it will likely be the elephant in the room for all future interactions.  The issue will remain unresolved.  You will become resentful because the other person hasn't yet mastered the art of reading your mind so you don't have to actually have the conversation and overall, it just won't be pretty.  Get on with it already.  Adhere to the three points listed above and have the conversation.  You'll sleep better, work better, and probably gain some respect in the process.  


You can do this - I know you can.  

Mari